Amber with Class by Britt R. Scharringhausen
Amber the Drinking Game by CelesStar
The Church of Brand by J.A. Dettman
You Know You've Been Reading Too Much Amber When . . . by CelesStar
. . . you might be a redhead by the They Might Be Redheads gaming group
by Brunette-and-lovin'-it, Britt R. Scharringhausen
We've all experienced it. Point-blanking. Staring at a empty piece of paper ripped untidily from someone else's spiral notebook, clutching a writing instrument (probably also borrowed) and thinking, "I have a basic character concept, but where to I put all these points?" And during the auction : What to bid, what to bid, what to bid ?!? When you played D&D, it was easy. Fighters need a high STR. Thieves need a high DEX. Wizards need a high INT. But Amber doesn't have character classes!
One day, an obnoxious and rowdy gaming group noticed that several characters (both PCs and NPCs) who shared certain abilities could be grouped loosely by hair color. From this, a character classification scheme arose. Why hair color? Why not? At least there aren't any guild fees.
After you choose your character class, you'll know what to duke it out for in the auction. You'll know which powers to buy! What items will be useful! And the great thing about Amber is that you don't have to worry about XP penalties for switching or cross-classing! Your character doesn't even have to have the right color hair! Play a red-headed Brunette! Play a blonde Red-head. Maybe they won't figure it out until it's too late!
So pick a class to help build your next character. Amuse your gaming buddies by classifying PCs and NPCs. Create your own classes. But dyeing your own real-life hair is going too far. Get some perspective, people.
The less polite term for a Brunette is Cockroach. If you beat the bejeezus out of a Brunette, he will laugh at you through teeth red with his own blood and keep on coming. If you want to kill a Brunette, you've got to get them to stop moving first. Then you'd better burn the body and scatter the ashes from Ygg to the Abyss. Drowning him, breaking every bone in his body or slicing him to ribbons will probably just slow him down for a while. The Brunette can optionally bone up on Warfare so they can dish it out as well as take it or develop an immense Psyche to surprise anyone silly enough to try to play mind games.
Your basic Carrot-top has the Psyche from Heck and at least two powers. Probably more. Advanced or Exalted, when possible. If a new power pops up, the Red-Head wants it. Same thing goes for costly toys like Spikards and Jewels of Judgement. Red-heads are generally clannish, because Red-heads beget Red-heads so chances are that if you're a Red-head, half the Universe wants your parent's head on a pike. It's generally not hard to kill a Red-head in a physical battle. If you can get within 50 yards of them, that is.
The Blonde is easy to forget about: never at the forefront of battle, rarely sought out for his expertise. However, the Blonde is resoundingly competent and often has many friends. Plus, he usually has more time on his hands than characters who are always running around getting into trouble and saving the universe. Even if you think a Blonde isn't too bright or too powerful or too strong, you probably shouldn't annoy him, because he's a resourceful little bugger and he'll get you in the end.
This is something I came up with a while back (after an insane day of playing the Anime Drinking Game with highly concentrated Kool-Aid)
by CelesStar@aol.com
Brand, our Lord and Savior, sacrificed himself to the Serpent of Chaos so that all of us, even you who have not been redeemed, might find redemption in his example.
For Lo! He spake unto them, " You see my confidence and do not understand it. You must be afraid. I am not afraid. But the world as we know it is being destroyed now and I live here too. I want you as witnesses to what I do. In this sense I require your presence in my new world. I will be risking my life with this, and the odds are not all that good. You would not have a chance. I might. I do not blame you for not wanting to trust me. But you are making a mistake. You need me now. I am a different person now than I was then. If you do not give me a chance you will never know for certain, will you? "
And having spoken thus he went forward unto the Cathedral of the Beast, the Serpent of Chaos, and there gave his life so that all of us might live and rise to greatness at his side.
* - - - * - - - *
* - - - * - - - *
* - - - * - - - *
Brand who art in Amber
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done
In Shadow as it is in Amber
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from Chaos
For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Pattern, and the glory Forever and ever
Amen.
* - - - * - - - *
Brand is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green Shadows;
he leadeth me beside the stilled Logrus.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the Shadows of Death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy Pattern and thy Jewel they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of Chaos Lords:
thou anointest my head with oils; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the House of Brand for ever.
If your closet has more spells hanging in it than clothes ...
If you refer to walking through Shadow as mundane transportation...
If your family reunion resembles a prison riot...
If you kill your parent and the rest of your family applaudes...
If your parent has tried to destroy the universe more than once...
If you are attacked by your family more than once a week...
If the mention of a new power is the only thing that can raise your eyebrows...
If you could teleport before you could walk...
If your first toy was a replica of the Jewel of Judgement...
If the sight of blood makes you think of the Pattern...
If your mother slapped your hand for trying to draw a picture...
If you are dropped on the Pattern and told to, " Sink or swim!"...
If you look at the Pattern and think, " I could do that."...
When the Universe is falling apart and you have better things to do...
by CelesStar@aol.com
1. You ask if you can write your physics paper on "The Skill of Eating Under Water"
2. You doodle little hearts with your favorite Amberite/Chaosite's name in the center. When asked who that person is you reply, without blinking, "My boyfriend/girlfriend."
3. You take Japanese cultural courses so you can become more like Benedict.
4. You chop an arm off so you can become more like Benedict!
5. You photocopy, shrink, color, paste, and laminate the trumps in the DRPG book.
6. You take the aforementioned trumps and keep them in the refrigerator, so that they'll be cold.
7. You try at least once a day to use your trumps to contact an Amberite.
8. You *think* it works.
9. You take the few words of Thari found in Merlin's Saga and try to figure out other words based on them.
10. You take a vacation to New Mexico in order to search for clues.
11. You visit New York and look up "Ms. Evelyn Flaumel"
12. You actually find "Ms. Evelyn Flaumel"
13. You measure how long it takes your wounds to heal, trying to gauge wether you have "human" or "chaos" vitality.
14. Every time you meet someone from U.C. Berkley you're suspicious.
15. When someone calls you a "bastard" your first response is to shout, "Am not! My parents were married!"
16. You take LSD, hoping that it will trigger your forgotten shadow walking abilities.
17. Taking LSD DOES trigger your forgotten shadow walking abilities.
18. You make lists like this.
19. You watch the Olympics and try to decide which of the runners could be Amberites.
20. You have a shrine to [insert_favorite_charactor's_name_here] in your closet.
21. Every time you hear "Greensleves" you think of Eric's coronation and it makes you sick to your stomach.
22. You sharpen a spoon and try to dig through a door with it.
23. You think that every red haired person that you meet must be either a) insane b) sneaky c) both
24. Every time you see a unicorn you think of Amber.
25. Whenever anyone says "dolt" you wonder if they meant "Dalt."
26. You have ever done any of the things on this list.
27. You want to buy a Mercedes so you can be more like Flora.
28. You've decided that guns are useless. Now, swords.....there's the perfect weapon!
29. You write love letters to your favorite Amberite.
30. You attempt to mail these letters.
31. You have ever contemplated any of the items on this list.
32. You visit used bookstores and second hand shops buying every copy of the Amber books you can find. Your goal is to collect all the covers.
33. You're afraid to kill a snake because it may bring the wrath of Chaos down upon you.
34. You become suspicious of any and all family members. They must have an ulterior motive for giving you that $100 gift certificate!
35. You loan your books to others, hoping to get them hopeless addicted to Amber.
36. You experiment, trying to get your hair the same shade of green as Llewella's.
37. You buy those awful DC comic versions of "Nine Princes in Amber" and "Guns of Avalon"
38. You go to the local D&D group and introduce them to Wujcik's writing.
39. You cry when Brand dies.
40. You cry even harder every time you're in a DRPG game where he gets resurrected.
41. You sketch personal hell's during art class.
42. You build 3-D models of them in geometry!
43. Every time you read about Ganelon you get angry and yell, "Corwin! You idiot! It's your Father! Your Father!"
44. Crossbow bolts remind you of Brand.
45. You dream about visiting the Fount of Power.
46. You name one of your kids after your favorite Amber character.
47. You name ALL of your kids after your favorite characters.
48. Tarot cards make you nervous.
49. When gambling, you wonder if Random's about.
50. Every time you see a gorgeous blond women, you wonder if it's Flora.
51. You buy two copies of every Amber Zine, that way one will stay pristine.
52. You begin to think that incest just might be allright........
53. You figure that all super strong men must be as nice as Gerard.
54. You call information asking for "Bill Roth"
55. You no longer trust private hospital institutions because they were paid to hold Corwin.
56. You try to purchase white armor.
57. You manage to purchase white armor.
58. You have decided that beating up your relatives is the best way to make them listen to you.
59. You photocopy bits and pieces of "The Complete Amber Sourcebook" and hang them up around work, hoping to educate others.
60. You cry whenever you read about Deirdre's "accident."
61. You listen to the Amber audio cassettes in the car.
62. You make your own audio cassettes, that way they're un-abridged.
63. You and your friends discuss alternate sorcery rules at lunch.
64. You wonder if falling into the Abyss hurt.
65. Dying for more pictures, you spend years hunting down a copy of the illustrated Zelazny.
66. You join the Amber mailing list.
67. Once on the list, you argue about how many people Fiona has mind-raped.
68. You try to determine the scientific name for Oberon, since he is the product of a Chaosite and a Unicorn.
69. You want to learn fencing to be more like Corwin.
70. You want to learn French to be more like all of them!
71. You always want to eat at restaurants that begin with the word "Bloody" and are followed by someone's name.
72. You wear feathered hats to be more like Caine.
73. When at rock concerts and raves you search for Martin.
74. You wish to legally change your name to better match your favorite Amberite.
75. Your favorite Amberite just happens to be of the opposite sex so you go from being "Marilyn" to "Merlin"
76. You just can't read Arthurian legends because there's no way Corwin is the Devil!
77. You get up early in the morning so you can read Amber before work/school.
78. You draw various unicorns, trying to decide which would look best as trump backing.
79. You think that Chaos had the right idea about making shrine to the Amberites and try to emulate them.
80. You begin to pay attention to wether your friends are "legitimate" or not.
81. You want to become a sea captain to be more like Gerard.
82. You edit your copy of the "Visual Guide to Castle Amber" and make it so it seems that Flora is saying your name.
83. You and your friends gossip about wether or not Caine's really dead.
84. You keep a list of all the possible Amberites you know.
85. You try to be vegetarian once a year in memory of Deirdre.
86. You name your pets after Amber characters.
87. You are afraid to bleed on anything thought to be arcane, 'lest you damage it in some way.
88. You use "My First Voodoo Kit" to make a little doll with red hair, dressed in a green riding suit.
89. Blue crystal makes you nervous.
90. Maids named Carmella do, too.
91. You want to buy an Irish Wolfhound or five.
92. Every time you meet people named Carol you ask if they ever dated a red head named Luke.
93. You actually find someone who did.
94. You memorize the power words from the DRPG book just in case you stumble upon a shadow where they work.
95. You wonder wether or not Flora watched soap operas while on Earth.
96. You hack into UC Berkley's computer system and search for "Corey, Merle."
97. You always cry when you begin to read "Courts of Chaos" because it means that Corwin's saga is almost over.
98. You memorize the turnings of the Chaos sky.
99. A part of you just won't admit that Osric and Finndo are dead. They've got to be out there somewhere!
100. You cry whenever Eric dies.
101. When bored, you dream about yourself and your favorite character.
102. The only reason you want a web page is so you can make a shrine to your favorite character.
103. You write poetry/fan fic's about Amber during English class.
104. You wish you could have been there to give Corwin a hug when Deirdre died.
105. You feel you have more in common with your favorite Amberite than with your "normal" friends.
106. You're sitting here, reading this, and all you can think is: "Oh! She forgot..."
107. You look for unusual jewelry and pretend that they're spikards.
108. Your wallet is stuffed to capacity with various trump sketches you got off the internet.
109. You actually waste this much time on typing up a "You Know You've Read Too Much Amber When....." list.
110. You are cautious whenever you meet new people. They may just happen to be possessed by a Ty'iga.
111. You are in denial that you are from a shadow world.
112. You have been known to mutter, "Unicorn, give me strength," before tests.
113. You can relate ANYTHING to Amber.
114. You dye your hair black so you can look like Corwin.
115. You've learned that no matter what, if you are a King of Amber, you won't get to keep the job for long.
116. You know the real way to show friendship is to give someone an old tarot deck.
117. You know that *anything* can be put aside for the pursuit of power.
118. You buy a cemetery plot, casket, and head stone now. That way, you can have an unfilled tomb, just like Corwin.
119. You actually look for swords with funny spirals engraved on them.
120. You have gone to EVERY Amber website you've found on the Net and visit them over and over again - just in case they're updated.........
121. You can spell "Deirdre" properly!
122. Your ideal guy MUST know how to fence.
123. You write hate mail to Eric.
124. You plot ways of getting Mandor and Fiona together.
125. You then wonder what they're children will look like.
126. You sit in the library for hours on end, hoping to find a book from another shadow.
127. You no longer associate with those who do not adore Amber as much as you do.
128. Whenever anyway says something bad about a unicorn you tell them that they are "sacrilegious"
129. Your non-Amber-loving friends(the few you have left) drool over movie stars and rock idols, and all you can think about is how much more dreamy [fill in your fav characters name here] is.........
130. You search for scaled gloves at garage sales.
131. You buy a silver, silk rose so to be more like Corwin.
132. Your first choice for college was UC Berkley.
133. When you get mad at people your first impulse is to cast a spell which will "dig their grave"
134. You carry on conversations with one or more of your favorite characters out loud in your bedroom.
135. You play Monopoly with these same favorite characters and swear that Mandor has rigged the dice.......
136. You carry trumps around with you all day so you can gaze lovingly at them!
137. You're convinced that you are twins with one of the characters, separated at birth.
138. You are wary to tell your relatives of your injuries.
139. Because of this, you wind up in the hospital.
140. You wonder if your Father is really your Father, or if your Mother had an affair.
141. People named Julia scare you.
142. Occultists named Victor scare you even more.
143. You research the Tree of Life, hoping to travel to another dimension.
144. Every time there is a warehouse fire you go and look for bullets.
145. You are not afraid of aliens, but the thought of Brand's ghost makes you scream bloody murder.
146. Instead of playing "Marco Polo" you play "Dworkin Barimen"
147. You refuse to believe that Mandor manipulated Merlin for his own ends.
148. You wonder if the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland is a warped shadow of Suhuy.
149. Every time you meet a blind woman you ask if she's married to a guy with a funny name.
150. You learn to speak only in grunts, hoping to be more like Benedict.
151. You contemplate just why Brand married Jasra in the first place.
152. Two words: Breeding Experiment
153. You take a poll, seeing how many people pronounce it "Dar-a" and how many people pronounce it "Dare-a"
154. You draw your own trumps for such useful places as the Liquor Store and Gas Station.
155. You actually try to use these trumps.
156. You don't like lions because Dalt wears a medal with one rending a unicorn.
157. Every time you have a dream about Amber you wonder if Sand sent it.
158. You get one red contact and wear it, that way you can pretend to have the Jewel of Judgment as an eye.
159. You wonder if there's some weird connection between "Coral" and "Carol"
160. After reading the series for five years you just now notice that "Rebma" is "Amber" spelled backwards(lemme alone.....:sob::)
161. When you read about "Delwin - Custodian of the Powers" the first thing you imagine is a blond guy with a mop out by the Pattern.
162. After seeing Despil's trump in the Shadow Knight DRPG book you switch allegiance from Amber to Chaos.
163. Every time you hear about some poor guy losing a finger you wonder if he's a shadow of Jurt.
164. Whenever someone talks about salesmen you think of Luke.
165. You argue with yourself over who's better looking - Bleys or Brand?
166. You wonder if Caine has a long lost brother named Abel.........
167. You find yourself making jokes about chickens, white mice, and tin foil........
168. You buy yourself a sword and call it "Werewindle"
169. You wonder wether or not they sell hot dogs in Amber.
170. For drama class, you and your friends act out the coronation where Eric is crowned.
171. You make up lists of ways to break Julian's near legendary self control.
172. You find you have a sudden obsession with kidneys.......
173. Gravel pits make you nervous. You never know when your brother may want to beat you up.
174. You go around buying Renaissance clothes so you can dress like Random.
175. You become insulted whenever anyone says, "I trust you like my brother."
176. When in airplanes you try to spy clouds that look like cities.
177. You tell all your guests that your refrigerator has a psychic barrier around it, that way no one can steal your trumps.
178. You contemplate wether you are a "bad stuff" person or a "good stuff" person.
179. You make up your own death curse.
180. You want to learn to ride horseback because all your favorite Amberites can do it.
181. You wonder if Amber has their own version of Michael Jackson.
182. You stand in hurricane's, hoping that they're actually shadow storms and that they'll take you to another world.
183. I don't think we're on shadow Earth any more, Toto........
184. You cease to refer to the rooms of your house as "rooms." They are now "ways"
185. You buy different colored light bulbs and change them often, representing the turnings of the Chaos sky.
186. You find an old tree talk to it, hoping it will answer like Ygg.
187. You want to go to Paris because Corwin was once there.
188. You spend your life savings on a seven pointed, silver crown with jewels set in it.
189. You spend your time reading a list like this!
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Nine Princes in Amber, The Guns of Avalon, Sign of the Unicorn, The Hand of Oberon, The Courts of Chaos, Trumps of Doom, Blood of Amber, Sign of Chaos, Knight of Shadows, and Prince of Chaos are all Copyrights of the Amber Corporation.
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